Chopping Mall (1986) Review: So Bad It's Utterly Brilliant

Chopping Mall is one of those movies where the title alone is already doing half the work. You know exactly what you’re signing up for, and thankfully, the film knows it too.

If you’re wondering whether Chopping Mall is “good” in any traditional sense, the answer is absolutely not.

But i you’re wondering whether it’s a fun, gloriously stupid 80s robot carnage, then yeah, this thing absolutely delivers.

Plot

A group of young shopping mall employees stay behind for a late night party in one of the stores and when the mall goes on lock-down before they can get out, the robot security system malfunctions, and goes on a killing spree.

Good Points

• Unapologetically fun from start to finish

• The robots are hilariously charming

• Strong pacing

• Exploding head moment is pure 80s madness

• Peak 80s aesthetic

• Works perfectly as a cult, “best of the worst” style watch

• Dialogue is absolutely atrocious in the funniest way

Bad Points

• NOTHING

My Thoughts on Chopping Mall

Pure Garbage and Pure Fun

Right from pretty much the start, you quickly realize that this movie is garbage in the best possible way, and it opens with a cheesy robot security advert that feels like it was produced by a company that would definitely be sued within a week of launching the product, which sets the tone nicely.

It’s a film that basically says: here are killer robots in a mall, enjoy, and then it gets on with it, and that’s enough, that’s all it needs to do to be brilliant - god I miss this 80’s type of film.

The robots themselves are the stars here, where they look like someone combined a vacuum cleaner, a lawnmower, and a toy tank, then decided to give it lasers and a sense of mission.

There’s also something deeply funny about how often they miss shots that should be impossible to miss, because some characters will be standing still, mid-conversation, and the robot will somehow fire a laser into a wall like it’s actively trying to fail.

But when it they do hit, they hit hard, which brings me to the best part…

The exploding head is exactly as stupid as you hope

There’s a moment in this film where a head just explodes, delivered with a sudden, ridiculous carnage, and it damn ruled.

It’s exactly the kind of over-the-top practical effect that carries this entire movie on its back, and you can practically feel the crew going “yeah, that’ll do” while probably covered in fake blood and foam latex.

It’s so dumb yet so perfect, with some brilliant pacing that keeps you glued to the screen without ever feeling bored, as while we get a bit of setup, some character introductions, and a mildly confusing explanation about robot security systems, it then hits boom, were the movie basically becomes a laser-tag death game inside a shopping mall.

That gives it this weird kind of momentum that works in its favour, because you don’t have time to question anything too deeply before the next ridiculous kill happens.

The characters exist purely to be laser practice

There’s not much to say about the cast beyond the fact that they are extremely 80s people in an extremely 80s situation - they flirt, they argue, they wander into danger for no reason, and they make decisions that feel scientifically engineered to trigger the robots as quickly as possible.

No one is particularly smart, and no one is particularly memorable, but they serve their purpose: moving from store to store until something explodes.

Which is fine for this kind of film.

But the biggest compliment I can give Chopping Mall is that it fully commits to its own stupidity, and never tries to apologise for being cheap, ridiculous, or nonsensical, it just leans into it completely.

It’s all very simple, but very hypnotic.

Final Verdict

Chopping Mall is not a good film, but it is absolutely a fun one, and a particular favorite of mine.

It’s short, loud, stupid, and full of aggressively low-budget robot mayhems that still entertains decades later.

Sometimes you don’t need a great movie to watch, as sometimes you just need robots in a mall with lasers and zero sense of responsibility.

And on that front, it delivers completely.

Trailer

Directed by Jim Wynorski

Written by Jim Wynorski and Steve Mitchell

Cast includes - Kelli Maroney, Tony O’Dell, John Terlesky, Russell Todd, Paul Bartel, Mary Woronov and Barbara Crampton

Cinematography by Tom Richmond

Edited by Leslie Rosenthal

Music by Chuck Cirino

Running time - 76 minutes