Alice and the Vampire Queen (2023) is a Confused Mess [Tubi Horror Review]

Genre – Horror
Director – Dan Lantz
Writer – Dan Lantz
Cast – Shelby Hightower, Graham Wolfe, Brenna Carnuccio, Rachel Aspen, Xavier Michael, Chris James Bolan, Aaron Dalla Villa and Danielle Muehlen
Runtime – 90 Minutes
My Rating – ⭐⭐⭐☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Watch/Stream Alice and the Vampire Queen on Tubi for free

If you know anything about me, you will know I like watching low budget horror films, and Tubi is the perfect platform to find them. I don’t actually like a lot of them, but I do find some of them dumb fun and good to put on when I want to turn my brain off. Although, some are just dumb without the fun part.

So I will be doing mini reviews, well more statements, about these films, much shorter than my other reviews, and my ratings for the films will generally be based on how much fun they are, because not many of them are actually good in the objective sense.

All my Tubi horror film reviews

Alice and the Vampire Queen

Ex-con Alice Oldman struggles to overcome the scars from her past. One night, a dark stranger gives her an offer she cannot refuse: she must make one special dish for his boss, the Vampire Queen.

My Thoughts

Great setup, bad follow-through

Chef gets out of prison, takes a sketchy job, finds out her boss is a vampire queen. Sounds fun. Should’ve been fun. It Wasn’t fun.

Alice works, everyone else doesn’t

Shelby Hightower isn’t too bad as Alice, but everyone else is stiff and unnatural, like they practiced in the mirror and then pressed record.

Dialogues are painful

The first half of the movie leans heavy on conversation. That’s a problem when the delivery sounds like a rehearsal tape.

Second half is better, but not great

When the plot finally kicks in, you see the potential, with a few sparks of the movie it could’ve been. Then it goes back to sleep.

Themes are wasted

The movie almost connects Alice’s abusive past to the dangers she faces now. That could’ve added some much needed weight. Instead, it’s just dropped.

The ending stumbles

Instead of landing the message about change and growth, the final scenes muddy it. You’re left more annoyed than inspired.

Flat visuals

A vampire queen’s nightclub should drip with atmosphere. Smoke, lights, music, dange, but it looks like they borrowed someone’s basement and a couple of lamps.

The vampire queen isn’t memorable

For a character who should dominate the screen, she barely registers. No menace, no charisma, no spark. Just another character mumbling through the script.

The tone is confused

It wants to be dark, but also emotional, but also tense, but also hopeful. It ends up being none of those things.

Not enough horror

For a film with “vampire queen” in the title, there’s almost no bite. Horror is teased, but never delivered.

Pacing is rough

Long stretches where nothing happens. Then sudden bursts of plot, and then back to nothing.

More ideas than execution

The film has something to say about trauma, choices, and survival. But it doesn’t know how to say it.

Confused identity

Is it horror? Is it drama? Is it thriller? The answer is yes, sort of, maybe. The film doesn’t seem sure either.

Final Thoughts on Alice and the Vampire Queen

Alice and the Vampire Queen is a film with a killer premise, one good lead performance, and a pile of wasted opportunities.

It could’ve been sharp, stylish, and meaningful, but instead, it’s awkward, flat, and forgettable.

Final Score: 3 out of 10
UP: Shelby Hightower, interesting premise, a few solid themes.
DOWN: Acting, pacing, visuals, vampire queen.

Alice and the Vampire Queen Trailer

Simon Leasher

A lover of cinema for over 35 years, I have watched many films from around the world in many different genres, yet I still normally always come back to trashy slasher horror films when in doubt. More

And yes, The Godfather 2 is better than The Godfather.