Some films entertain you, others comfort you – this one just quietly breaks you down until you start laughing from nerves
If I Had Legs I’d Kick You see’s Rose Byrne do what she always does best – bring sharp humor and charm to even the darkest moments.
Plot Summary of If I Had Legs I’d Kick You (Spoiler-Free)
If I Had Legs I’d Kick You follows Linda (Rose Byrne), a mother who’s trying her absolute best but is drowning under the weight of her responsibilities and her husband, Charles (Christian Slater), is away for two months on a work trip, leaving Linda alone to care for their chronically ill daughter, where things go from bad to worse when their apartment ceiling collapses.
From there, the movie becomes a series of quiet but relentless crises, where Linda juggles her work as a therapist with caring for her daughter, all while trying to maintain a sense of normalcy that keeps slipping away.
Clients walk out of her sessions, she gets ticketed for double parking at the hospital, and a hamster she buys to cheer up her daughter becomes a metaphorical and literal nuisance, and every scene piles on another layer of exhaustion until it feels like the universe is personally bullying her.
If I Had Legs I’d Kick You Review: Is It Worth Watching?
If I Had Legs I’d Kick You is absolutely not for everyone. and this is a movie that doesn’t ease you in with any comfort, as it drops you into the deep end of Linda’s life, where the pacing is intentionally slow, and every moment feels like a new test of how much one person can endure before they break.
Mary Bronstein, the writer and director, doesn’t overdramatize Linda’s world, and there’s no glossy lighting, no orchestral score swelling up to tell you how to feel. It’s grounded, messy, and real – it’s the kind of realism that makes you shift uncomfortably because you recognize it.
And Rose Byrne is another level. here too, where she is vulnerable, and visibly fraying at the edges, as we watch her as someone try to stay calm while everything inside them is screaming, as you quickly realize she’s trying to joke her way through a breakdown.
What’s refreshing (and painful) is that Linda isn’t portrayed as a “perfect” mom, as while she is lobing, she’s also angry, short-tempered, and occasionally cruel in her frustration, and she loses her patience with people who don’t deserve it, and sometimes she flat-out fails, which a lot of people will relate to I think.
The film occasionally dips into surreal moments between Linda’s crumbling reality and her mental state, and sometimes these dreamlike sequences work beautifully, giving us a glimpse into her overwhelmed mind, while other times, they feel a bit too abstract — like the movie is reaching for metaphor but doesn’t quite grab it.
Still, even when the symbolism gets heavy-handed. it doesn’t break the spell, as all the chaos feels earned. as you’re not just watching a story unfold, you’re feeling every ounce of frustration, confusion, and helplessness that Linda feels.
This isn’t the kind of movie you “enjoy”. it’s the kind you survive, where itt’s heavy, suffocating, and emotionally draining, but it’s also meaningful, as it’s a film that forces you to sit with discomfort – the same way Linda has to sit with her problems because she can’t just walk away from them.
It’s got a really powerful peronal feel to it, and the film understands that most of the time, life doesn’t explode in one big disaster. as it just keeps throwing you small, stupid problems until you start wondering if the world is in on some cosmic joke.
If you’ve ever been that close to the edge – the kind of exhaustion where you’re too tired to even cry – If I Had Legs I’d Kick You might hit a little too close to home, but that’s also what makes it so good.
It’s not pretty, but it’s honest.
What I Liked (And What I Didn’t Like)
Pros
Rose Byrne
She gives a career best performance here I think, and you feel what Linda is feeling without her needing to say anything.
Portrayal of Stress
The film really nails how overwhelming life can get when nothing catastrophic happens, but everything still feels like it’s falling apart around you.
Direction
Bronstein resists the urge to over explain, things, letting all the emotion just carry the story.
The Raw Setting
The motel, the broken ceiling, the cluttered home = everything looks like a real place where real people live.
The Sound Design
The quiet hum of appliances, the constant background noise = it all builds the tension subtly, and makes you feel stuck in Linda’s world.
Emotional Honesty
This film doesn’t sugarcoat anything, as it just tells the truth about how hard life can be without offering easy answers, just like real life.
Cons
The Surreal Sequences
Some of the dreamlike visuals feel out of place a bit, and while hey’re interesting, they are not always effective.
Pacing
A few scenes do drag longer than necessary, which will test your patience more than the story demands.
The Husband Subplot
Christian Slater’s character is basically a plot device, and while his absence is important, his presence feels meaningless.
Too Much Symbolism
Some of it does feel a little bit too forced.
Limited Tonal Variety
The emotional pitch stays high the entire time, and I think a few lighter moments could have added some contrast..
Who Might Like If I Had Legs I’d Kick You
- Fans of Rose Byrne
- Anyone who appreciates slow, character driven stories
- People who like movies about mental strain and motherhoodn
- Those who enjoy depictions of anxiety and burnout
- People who like indie dramas that take risks
- Anyone who’s ever felt like life is one long series of small disasters
Who Might Dislike If I Had Legs I’d Kick You
- Anyone looking for a relaxing or cheerful movie
- People who dislike slow pacing or minimal plots
- Those who want clear resolutions or happy endings
- Fans of traditional Hollywood storytelling
- Anyone who prefers escapism over realism
- People who don’t enjoy emotionally draining films
Final Verdict: Did I Enjoy Watching If I Had Legs I’d Kick You?
Enjoy is a strong word.
Survived? Connected with? Absolutely.
It left me thinking about how we all carry invisible burdens and how close so many of us are to snapping under the weight of daily life, so no, If I Had Legs I’d Kick You isn’t “fun,” but it’s powerful and real.
If I Had Legs I’d Kick You Trailer
Simon Leasher
A lover of cinema for over 35 years, I have watched many films from around the world in many different genres, yet I still normally always come back to trashy slasher horror films when in doubt. More
And yes, The Godfather 2 is better than The Godfather.
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